fishphile

http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/thu-november-5-2009/the-11-3-project

It's brilliant.

I know you are dead, but you really fucked up this town and I'm still pissed at you for that shit.

Love,

Me.

Reading afro_dyte's latest post found here: http://afro-dyte.livejournal.com/25993.html made me start thinking of my own religious journey. I'm not sure how I got where I am. Well, I am, but I'm not. By all the things that happened in my life, I should be a fundie Christian, a staunch conservative believer that takes the Bible literally. I grew up in a religiously conservative Christian household, attended evangelical southern baptist schools my entire life in a city known for its conservative christianity (not kidding about this. I mention Lynchburg and people go "oh?" I mention Jerry Falwell's hometown and they go "OH!". Also, note that I put the C in Christian as lowercase there.) and went to church so many times a week as a child that I could have just lived there.

I know. I know. Tons of people have this same experience and they rebel just like I did, except I eventually came to Christianity. Sort of. First, I was never a Christian as a kid. I could fake it because it was required in my immediate social circles but I never believed most of it and until high school I never had anyone to agree with me. In high school, H was either agnostic or atheist and she happened to be my best friend during those years. I believe she's a wiccan now, not sure, I should ask her. After high school, I went through a serious depression and my religious questioning soared. I was agnostic awhile and then atheist awhile and then agnostic again. I picked up Christianity, but the Christianity I picked up doesn't represent the Christianity mostly presented in this town.

>I don't believe the Bible should be taken literally. It's all allegorical and parables to me.
>I think there is no way the Bible isn't translated wrongly in places.
>I don't believe in hell.
>I think it's funny that conservative christians (I say this together because I have a friend who is conservative thinking politically yet is a very liberal Bible interpreter)choose things they disagree with to highlight in the Bible but ignore the many verses regarding wealth, the poor (there are over 2,000 verses on the poor alone! mostly commanding people to feed, clothe and not treat them like shit) and the emphasis on women when women were little more than cattle in those times.
>I don't believe you have to be a Christian to be with God. I just think this is the path right for me.
>I don't believe in the rapture. at all. and I'm pissed I was frightened into sort of thinking this was real as a kid. (I know this is mostly a protestant/evangelical position.)
>I believe if Jesus was alive today, he'd mostly be politically moderate or a liberal.
>I believe in theistic evolution, meaning I think God created the matter and let it evolve on its' own.
>I doubt religion a lot. I'm a logical person. I like reason and logic a whole heck of a lot. I like things to be completely explainable so believing in religion at all, in any form, takes a lot for me. Just call me a doubting Thomas or whatever.

Anyway, just thinking out loud really. I think I should check out the book on what Christians should know about Judaism that afro_dyte linked in her post. I really just know rudimentary things about other religions, meaning I know enough of several worldwide religions not to make an utter ass of myself, but not nearly enough to be well-versed in them and I should rectify that.

...and my boss said "yes" to letting me skate on the wood in the gym at work so I'll have an entire, empty (freezing!) gym to polish for open skates at the rink. I'm still eying the Derby thing, but I need to work on my skating skills badly. Before Nic and I went skating in August, I hadn't even been on skates in over 10 years. I like these skates better than the first pair. The first pair, because of the high tops, the warmness and wheels, are best for outdoor skating but the new ones are good for jam and derby skating and feel excellent on my feet. If I don't do Derby, I might try to work on my jam skills. I still want to do outdoor skating in the spring though. I loved the trail feel but without all the acorns and twigs. I wish we could skate during the 5k "J" and I are doing. I'm just going to walk it. All the skating is good for endurance though.

And, yes, going to the goth club on Halloween is cliche, but I'm doing it. I'm meeting Nic in her neighborhood of the state and we're headed to a goth club for Halloween. I've never been to this club before but it's one of her faves so we'll see. They are playing 80's which thrills the fuck out of me. I'm such a 80's goth music fiend. And it's going a hour later because of day light savings time so yeah. I guess it means I get to agonize over what I'll wear to the shindig. I could recycle my Cruella Deville black/white tule skirt. It came out really, really, really kick ass. It's the only part of that outfit that did.

My industrial piercing is finally healing well. I still have small keloids but they aren't huge, aren't extremely noticeable and don't seem to be affecting cleaning or anything else with the piercing. Still feels weird to change it out. I'm interesting in a bridge piercing but it's a no go because of the job.

This isn't about being fair and balanced (I'll leave that shit for Fox News to pretend to be) or any other of that nonsensical bullshit. It's about relieving some feelings I have.

POC= People of Color

9. Can i touch your hair? Yes, poc ask this too. And I always end up like >_< ENOUGH with this bullshit, mmkay? I really don't want you to touch my hair.

8. OMG! You can't go natural! Your hair; it's so pretty the way it is. I know poc, especially black woman (I'm generalizing and I hate doing this so forgive me, please) have serious issues with hair, but one of my closest friends said this to me when I told her I was going natural. I was disappointed at first and then really pissed off. Also, it's cool if you want to perm your hair, but don't try talking other people out of going natural.

7. "You sound so white." I really don't know what the fuck to make of this bullshit. How the hell does one sound like a color? I don't fucking understand this crap. And if that means speaking in complete sentences and having good grammar (you wouldn't know it from the way I write on LJ, but I don't speak or formally write like I do here) what are you saying about yourself?

6. "So you're into that white folk stuff, huh?" I think every goth of color not living in Japan has heard something similar to this bullshit. I have great parents, but my extended family are so full of crap when it comes to this. Also, it didn't help that I, for a time being, was the only goth of color known in my city until "J" came along. Now there's about a handful of pocs in an alternative scene here but for awhile it was me and a "mythical" goc that existed.

5. "You're not really black." Not meant in the way white people say it. It really means that I am something "else". Apparently, my family is a bit racially ambiguous. I've been called everything from Chinese (my father has been called Chinese-American slurs before) to Indigenous (my mom has been mistaken as one of the Indigenous peoples in our area) to bi-racial(white and black here). People argue with me that I'm Puerto Rican ALL THE TIME. Nope. I'm just black. I'm American black which means that of course I'm mixed somewhere down the line, but why are you trying to quantify my lineage or something? WTF is up with this bullshit? Why the hell can't I just be black? And why does it feel as if the people saying this are trying to save me from being black somehow? Keep your self-hate to yourself.

4. "You like white boys, don't you?" I assume people think this is because I'm a goth. And here, in this backwards ass hell of a town, there are so few poc goths that if I were to exclusively date someone in the small, tiny scene we have here it would lead to dating white guys, but I don't limit myself nor do I have a *preference* for white guys. I find many men to be gorgeous. There is not a hue around in which I've haven't found a man that was attractive. Also, why the fuck are you all in my business? Unless you're my best friend or one of my parents (who wouldn't ask something like this) why the hell is it any of your business?

3. "You would have beautiful children." Initially, I didn't think this tied into race until I caught on that people automatically assumed I was going to marry *and* have children (which I don't plan on doing) with a white guy. Who knows? I might marry a white man, but why the hell are you assuming? And would my imaginary children be less beautiful if I married a black man? Hell, who says I'm marrying a man?

2. "You would be a house nigger." This one caught me off guard. I was a young teenager and at a family gathering and it came out of the fucking blue from some very grown ass adults. I was like What the fuck? It then turned into a rambling scenario in which I and my other "house nigger" cousins would be telling our "field" cousins what to do. I remember just sitting there with a what the hell is going on look on my face. I'm sorry, but I don't do that brown paper bag test bullshit. I understand colorism is mother fucking real. It pervades all pop culture (could French Vogue have just hired an African model, perhaps? When have you seen anybody darker than Halle Berry or Beyonce up for multiple awards?), but what's worse is perpetrating this notion further amongst ourselves. It stinks of self-hate. We should be addressing this issue, but not in this way.

1. "You're an oreo." Uh. No. Nope, I'm not. Moving on.


Ahh. I'm all out of emo-y angst for awhile.

I am make this list based on me and only me.

*POC= People of color


10. "Can I touch your hair?" The answer is no. The answer will always be no. Sometimes you ambush me and just run your fingers through it. Don't do that shit. It makes me twitch and not in a good way. And yes, poc have asked to touch my hair too. Guess what? I don't like that shit either.

9. "Why can't black people just get over slavery?" We can. When you stop loving on Thomas Jefferson and George Washington. You know those people you're obsessed about quoting for their oh so high morals?

8. "Why are black people so angry?" If you don't know why then there is no need to ask. Also, half the times you think we're angry? We're just not agreeing with your bullshit. Suck it up and "get over it".

7. "I'm not racist..." I don't care if you're just going to proclaim that the sky is blue, I'm thinking whatever you're about to say is going to be some real racist bullshit. This caveat? It doesn't work.

6. "I voted for Obama." So? You want a cookie or something? Also, a ton of other people voted for Obama too.

5. "Your hair is so soft. This usually occurs after a hair "touching" ambush so I'm usually already pissed off at you, but what the hell did you think it was going to feel like?

4. "I'm colorblind." aka "I don't see color/other races." and "There is only the human race." You have no fucking clue how offensive this shit is. We live in a society in which race matters. You ignoring race does nothing but make you look stupid. Also, I have the true suspicion that it means you are viewing all people in a default lens. When you are 'blind', are you envisioning all people, including yourself, as brown or black people? Or are you viewing them all like you?

3. "You're not really black." or "I'm blacker than you." or "You're not like all the other black people." This shit started because I embraced the gothic and punk aesthetic. But no, no, you are not blacker than me. Also, how many black people do you know? Because it seems you know very few black people. And are you like all the other white people?

2. "Do you know..." Probably not. I don't care if there are only two black people in whatever place you expect me to know this person, I don't know 'em all. Do you know all white people?

1. "It comes down to morals and personal responsibility." This was said a few days ago and I honestly had to clench my teeth not to bitch slap a person. I really almost stood up and walked out of the fucking meeting. The words by themselves aren't awful but the manner it which it was expressed was deplorable. It was said so derogatory and from a person trying to "save" a black teenager that I immediately felt bad for the teenager whom I do not know nor have ever met. First. Your morals aren't EVERYBODY'S morals. Second. There's plenty of personal responsibility claims to go around. Also, it was said as if black people don't have any morals. WTF?

*Bonus* "Why are people always playing the 'race card'?" First. I missed my race card. It must not have been issued at the time of my birth nor given with my rounds of vaccines so I'm owed a card somewhere. Second. When you get used to bullshit being done to you, sometimes you think things that aren't true. There have been mistakes. I'd say the majority of "that was some racist bullshit" is right on though.

*Second Bonus* "I was called a bad name by/denied a job/not picked for a certain college because of a POC. That's reverse racism!" You need to read Tim Wise and move on with your life. I'm not saying it's fair or right, mind you, nor am I agreeing with someone harassing or bullying you because that shit's not cool no matter who's doing it. I'm just saying that if a Muslim decided to call me a religiously offensive name tomorrow, it doesn't make up for the fact that most of the religious hate in this country is directed towards Muslims. It just doesn't. It does not hold the same kind of weight of systematic and continual oppression.

Had this discussion with someone today. Made me angry. I just...errr. What the fuck?! I have no words.

you are going to be against a government health care plan, please at least know that medicare/medicaid are government-run programs. If you are concerned about the state of these programs, that's one thing, but please already know they are government-run programs. Otherwise, people can't take you seriously.

The election of Barack Obama was great, historic, awe-inspiring, wonderful and thrilling. For those who campaigned for Obama and other, local liberals and progressives, it was also exhausting. I admit to being one of the liberals fatigued by the 2008 election cycle. What is usually a span of 6 months to 1 year of a moderately fought primary and a more intense general election turned into a bitter and vicious two year battle, first with Hillary Clinton and then with Sarah Palin (because really? That was the Sarah Palin campaign). It was so long and arduous that I believe many liberals have been been reluctant to get into the latest battle of health care. Whatever your position on the topic, this should be an actual debate, not one side yelling scary things at the other. Health care NEEDS to be reformed, whether it's a tweek here or there or an entire overhaul, something needs to happen to change the system as it currently opperates. Liberals, it's time to get back in the fight. What will it profit us to get a liberal in the White House, but never fight for liberal policies?

So, I'm gonna start posting here. First new post?

http://www.newsadvance.com/lna/news/opinion/editorials/article/another_step_to_recognition_for_va._tribes/16637/

^Ignore the utter wank posted there. They usually have a wank off at this poor pathetic site. It hasn't happened on this link, but it usually happens on this site.

BUT Make this so, Virginia. It's been what? 400 freaking years? Make this so.

In VA. sucky news. Creigh Deeds won the Democratic Primary in Virginia. But thank God Terry McAuliffe lost. And yeah, I'm still holding a grudge from last year's election. I know it's petty. I don't care. I voted for Brian Moran, but in all honesty, he's my kind of liberal, which is the kind of liberal that will never win in Virginia, as in even if Satan himself was running against the liberal. So Creigh is acceptable. I'll probably be looking to help with the campaigning for him and/or S. Valentine (though I don't live in her district, but she's just that mad cool, mayn).

http://www.newsadvance.com/lna/news/local/article/deeds_wins_democratic_primary_for_va._governor/16670/

And the Governor news from Huffpo (which is really like my liberal blog crack, mainly because I like it's interface best): http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/09/virginia-democratic-prima_n_213104.html

VOP (Virginia Organizing Project) is working on helping to reform health care. Get involved with the organization by going to http://www.virginia-organizing.org/

I don't give a crap about grammar so... ( Read more... )

Okay, between my poor Xanga, Myspace, and this journal--Myspace and Xanga are the only ones that actually get updated. And my life is crazy these days. It seems that my life is booked to the minute until next March. I think I will just have to make time like I did this weekend.

For one thing I hate editing these things but then I hate that I don't edit them after I write them. I write and edit at work and just blah. You know how hairdstylists' hair look tore up even though that's what they do? Same thing. And I apologize because my grammar is quite atrocious these days. Really. It's gone to hell. I think I'll stop there to put the one person who might read this at peace with the grammar gods.

Title: Squashing Rumors (title sucks)
Author: fishphile
Rating: barely PG or K or whatever
Pairing: Well, I would hope it'd be Warner/Benson, ya know?
Word Count: Around 110

Summary: Olivia squashes some rumors
A/N: un-betaed so read at your own risk. This is kind of fluff and maybe ooc.

( Squashing Rumors )

This is not my usual journal. I do not use this journal for anything, really. I will most likely continue to use Xanga as my official journal. This message will go on my Xanga account as well.

Catie died yesterday. She tried to miss a dog, overcorrected, and hit a tree. Her car instantly burst into flames and burned her up. There were no remains. She was only 16.

Catie was my buddy. She was a few years younger than I, but we spent a ton of time chatting about soccer, movies and just a bunch of general stuff. We went to church together and her mother and I have enjoyed a lot of conversations. She was always so awesome, and that's not the grief talking. I mean she was an awesome teenager. She wasn't annoying or mean or stupid or any other cliche. She was a great soccer player. Last season my mom and I went to her final game. We talked to her afterwards. I always joked with her that I would see in the big league, playing for the U.S. women's national team. I planned on going to more games this season, but that won't happen. They say her fiance is taking it the hardest and that her little brother cried all night.

I'm so hurt. I couldn't help but cry. I'm sure she would laugh and roll her eyes at me and call me silly. Then she would give me a hug and tell me it was going to be alright. Damn. I'm going to miss her.

So I want to try this. ( Read Me )

If I really use this journal, it will be strictly for writing purposes. My real journal is on Xanga, mainly because all of the people I know outside of the world wide web have journals there. Plus I spent a lot of time creating my xanga to my specific desires and I have no time to maintain two journals. But I may be actively participating in some of the communities here. We'll see.